it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
