A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
