I can't watch pbs sober anymore
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
