Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
