that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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