There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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