Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
