Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My Higher Power is John Stamos
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
