I'm jealous of your bromance
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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