so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize