bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
