Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
