I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
