I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
