Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
