That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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