im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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