my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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