Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
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Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
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painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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