He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
