THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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