How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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