How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
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Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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