You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
