There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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