You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Sober January is a disaster.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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