Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
