If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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