Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
