STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
