I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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