guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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