Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize