Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
