I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
