I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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