I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
