you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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