ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
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They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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