the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
