I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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