Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize