hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
