There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
