I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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