I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
