So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
