Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
