I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
