That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
