I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
