I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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