Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
