hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
