Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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