Sry I called you an 8
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
