Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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