idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
