Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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