just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
zippers are such a cool invention
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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