I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
