I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
