Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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