I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
