So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
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when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
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The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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