Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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