I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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