She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
