I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
