just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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