So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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