i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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