he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I smell stomach acid.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
