She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
